I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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