my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
