i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
