why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
