his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
