had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
