last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
