When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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