wat bout pragnant strippers??
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
