Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
