I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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