I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
