I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I FOUND THE LEGS
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
