you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I am available for nakedness
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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