You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
