you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize