But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
is your mom at the bar?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
