On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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