i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
