you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
