i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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