So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
