We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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