I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
the raccoons are back...
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