Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
