Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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