I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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