I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Your cock deserves a montage
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
