In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize