I'm gonna have a badass scar
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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