people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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