left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
