who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize