U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
