that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
