He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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