she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she peed on how many people?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize