even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
God I need to hump something, right now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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