im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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