Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

I'm sorry my penis didn't work

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(626): View more from California

Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.

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(313): View more from Michigan

i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.

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(815): View more from Illinois

He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR

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(519): View more from Ontario

I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.

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