dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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