I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
