she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
