? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
