Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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