some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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