I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's just like the Real World with babies
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
