my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize