I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
