i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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