I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
