The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Even my vagina gasped.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
