Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize