I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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