why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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