don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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