Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
