Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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