Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
