i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
