my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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