Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
