i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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