meet me or not, i'm out of control
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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