my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
