My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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