omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
