Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
