For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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