I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
