im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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