omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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