cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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