I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
