So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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