she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
