i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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