If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She just used a chaser for red wine.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
