goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize