If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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