I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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