Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Drunk is not a location!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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