This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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