I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
