Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
