I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
