I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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