1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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