he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
